January 24, 2000 -- When I was 18
years old, I almost pooped my pants. I had to go
really bad and I didnít know what to do. So, out
of sheer desperation, I took a massive poop underneath
my parents' pontoon boat in the back yard. The poop
was so big I was damn near proud of its size. I
had just walked home from school, and I had to go
really bad, but I was locked out of the house. Sometimes
in desperate situations, one will do just about
anything, including taking a poop out in public.
Currently, I am broke and out of money. I donít
have enough money for food, so I steal it, and I
am already two months behind on my rent. If I donít
pay my rent, I'll get thrown out of the mental ward
house (for the mentally ill) that I live in.
I love it here. I donít want to leave. I have
become accustomed to living with retards, so its
great. I have a nice time here: I eat, watch TV,
Sometimes, when I am bored, I beat up the orderlies
(all women). Another desperate move. I'm a run-and-hide
type guy. I'll be the first to start a fight, but
I'll also be the first guy to run away once I find
out that the guy really wants to kick my ass.
Anyway, I needed some fast cash quick, so I said
to myself, "How about I do another Duchaine interview?
They are always popular, and I could score $500
for it, too."
But, I was desperate. As you will see below,
my questions are totally off the wall: Abusive,
disrespectful, and downright illegal. It seems I
always ask the wrong questions. Even Dan Duchaine
is "fed up" with me and my desperate antics. He
no longer responds to my emails or anything. Looks
like I pissed him off with the questions I asked
him for this interview. I will probably piss you
off, too. So, after everyone reads this, the entire
bodybuilding community will want to kick my ass,
because its so offending. Thatís ok. I donít sweat
you. I own you, boy! Bring your shit on! Ok ok,
enough tough-guy talk. In all honesty, you could
probably kick my fat ass. I'm 425 lbs. and 5'6".
I look like a fat, midgetized version of Nasser
El Sonbaty -- without all the muscles. If u want
to fight me, send me a letter and issue the challenge.
Just donít expect me to show up, though. I only
fight people I can beat up, and that excludes just
about all of Earthís population except women and
children. Great. Iím gonna get my ass kicked for
writing this article. Its almost not even worth
the $500. I am so scared I feel like...pooping my
pants, but I see no pontoon boat in sight.
Here is the interview, totally uncut, uncensored
and in-your-face. Donít like that? Fuck you! At
least I never drank my own urine like Mike Mentzer
did (thatís another story).
Enjoy! But donít kick my ass.
Duchaine: (phone rings) Hi, this is Dan.
Dan, this is The Sandwich!
Duchaine: Hi Sandwich.
Duchaine: Iím fine.
first Iíd like to thank you for giving me the interview.
Duchaine: Youíre welcome.
Sandwich: I really appreciate
that. A lot of the questions are going to be quite
controversial, and I hope that you donít take personal
offense to them. The reason I ask them isÖ
Duchaine: (interrupts) No! I mean,
if there is something I canít answer, simply because
it would effect someone else on a personal level,
Iíll just let you know.
great. Letís start from the beginning. You no longer
work for "Buttplug" Bill Phillips. What happened?
He seemed to have squandered your "Ask The GuruÖ"
column for the past 8 months or so.
Duchaine: (sighs) Well,
originally when I negotiated the contract for Muscle
Media, I just kinda picked 30 months. Originally
they wanted, like, one year on the contract, but
I wanted to have a little more, longer contract,
just to have the security. And, so, I knew I wanted
at least two years, and I thought maybe 36 months
is too long. So, I settled with 30, and when 30
came up, that was the middle of January. So that
you glad that you left, or did you wish to stay
with Muscle Media?
Duchaine: (pauses) I wasnít to
happy with the magazine, because I didnít have as
much freedom at the end then I had in the beginning.
I was pretty spoiled in the beginning. I mean, I
could do pretty much anything I wanted, and they
hardly edited it all. It was a really sweet gig.
I guess if the contract was longer, with a guaranteed
"so much" a month, for a few more months or another
year, sure! I mean, I donít have this big compulsion
to write all the time and every month. I know it
seems terrible to say, but to be able to get a regular
paycheck a month - a substantial one - and not have
to do a whole bunch of writing isnít terribly bad
in my eyes. Although I think the readers thought
I had lost them along the way.
you think youíll be able to gain them backÖ
your new columns in Ironman and Pump?
Duchaine: Oh, I have much more fun over
there, because I can get my sense of humor back,
which it is. I have more freedom. The problem with
Muscle Media, toward the end, is they really didnít
want to discuss any kind of nutritional product
that they were not selling. Or, if a competitor
was selling it, we couldnít really talk about it,
or if it wasnít on the market yet, they didnít want
to hear about it. So, that kinda restricts the palette
of information quite a bit, I think. I know youíre
supposed to be professional, and if you have a lot
of money, you should be able to do whatever you
damn well want. The pay was good, but Iím not the
type of professional writer that can churn a lot
of copy out, like a Greg Zulak or a Bill Dobbins.
Sandwich: Whatís "Buttplug"
like in real life? I heard on the ĎNet that heís
a totally arrogant Ecstasy and Xanax-abusing flake.
Is it true that he broke down and went into rehab
when his company, EAS, hit the bottom?
Duchaine: Donít know. I wish I could tell
you some real juicy facts, but remember: Iím here
in San Diego, and theyíre in Colorado. Because,
in the beginning, Bill was so young, and he had
such an outrageous lifestyle of Playboy Bunnies
and fast cars and a lot of parties, which was not,
socially, my realÖ(sigh)ÖI just didnít like it.
I didnít really socialize with him, so I wasnít
part of his inner circle. I kinda was waiting for
him to grow up (laughs), and in a way, he did. Iím
adamantly stuck in the hardcore subculture, and
he moved on to more mainstream things. I guess thatís
kind of growing up, or a more professional or financialÖif
it actually worked. But, I donít think his decisions
on changing the magazine really paid off the way
he thought they would.
So, I canít really tell you what he was like
as a person. He never called me on the phone, and
he rarely faxed me. Even the faxes to the people
at NEXT Nutrition started to stop, so I cant really
tell you what is going on with him.
I take it you never participated in his now infamous
gangbangs of strippers and stuff?
Duchaine: Nothing. No. I have a hard time
with the clubs and strippers. I really do love women
both as sexual objects and as peopleÖ(pauses)Ömy
persona, in print, is much different than me, the
person. I have much more respect for people and
women in real life, than what appears in print.
I know what you mean. Let me give you a scenario:
You are on a road trip with Bill Phillips and Joe
Weider. Bill and Joe were out one day walking in
the woods when they both stepped on a sharp, rusty
dildo. Subsequently, they both got lock jaw from
it; their mouth is now wide open and they cant close
it. Later, you are driving down the highway in the
middle of no-where, and you have to take a massive
crap, and you canít crap outside because there is
molten lava on the ground. You have no other choice.
There are only two places you can crap: Either in
Bill Phillipsí mouth, or in Joe Weiderís mouth.
Which one would you rather crap in, and why?
Duchaine: Mwahahahahahahah!!! (uproarious
laughter) What a terrible, terrible question!
Hehehehehehe! That was very funny, but youíre not
going to get an answer from me. I really owe them
both too damn much to really slam them like that.
Joe Weider got me started. I was in that first article
I did for Gordon Longís Muscle Digest. Bill Dobbins
took me on board with FLEX magazine, and Joe Weider
allowed Mike Zumpano and I to place our ads for
The Underground Steroid Handbook in his Muscle Builder/Power.
And, of course, Bill Phillips stood by me when I
was in prison, when no one else really didnít want
to see me. As much as it looks like weíve had our
differences between those two people, god, they
really made me a lot of money and put me where I
another scenario: You are walking in the woods of
Africa with Monica. No one is around you for hundreds
of miles. All of the sudden, she has a heart attack
and dies right in front of you. Her body will evaporate
in 20 minutes. Would you fuck her dead corpse? If
Duchaine: Hahahahahahahaha!!! (Huge-ass
laughter) AhhÖ(long pause)Öno, I wouldnít
do that (chuckles). But, you know, you might
ask the question if she was alive, I might give
you the same answer! (laughs)
you ever had a black girlfriend? And if so, are
they better than white girlfriends?
Duchaine: (Laughter) Sandwich, when
I was a young manÖhow old are you now?
Duchaine: Yeah. When I was about your
age, maybe a year older, I had two black girlfriends
for decent lengths of time.
At the same time!?
Duchaine: No! Different times. I had no
problems with them what so ever. We had some good
times. I donít think this really relates to bodybuilding,
but I think youíre confusing racial characteristics
and cultural characteristics. I think maybe people
object to certain aspects of black culture, but
racially, I donít think thatís the objection. I
donít think they care about the color of the skin,
as much as their culture. Itís a more "in your face"
culture. Itís a little disconcerting if youíre used
to other cultures, which are more laid-back.
For one million dollars in cash, a Lamborghini Diablo,
a case of Xanax and Ecstasy, and a pair of purple,
EAS workout-shorts, would you have gay sex with
Duchaine: (chuckles) OhÖmillion
Duchaine: Thatís a lot of money! Youíd
do it too! (laughs)
Sandwich: I was
in a chat room the other day and someone told me
that a certain bodybuilder in this sport got prostate
cancer from being fucked in the ass by Dorian Yates.
Have you heard this, and do you think it might be
Duchaine: (In a serious tone) I
think thatís a lame joke. And as much as many people
have a beef against (name deleted out of fear
- lets call him "scumbag") - and I donít have
a beef, because Iím not into competitive bodybuilding
- God forbid you are I have the same malady. Itís
not uncommon and heís a very young man to have that,
you know? As much as he may be doing things that
doesnít make people happy, it certainly doesnít
warrant that kind of severe punishment.
Okay, I understand. Switching gears, PGF2a. As you
know, this is the drug that is reported to cause
muscle hypertrophy (growth) simply by injecting
it and then lying around, waiting for your muscles
to grow. Kind of like a "natural" Synthol. What
do you think of this drug? Itís a real hot topic
on the ĎNet right now.
Duchaine: I happen to knowÖwhatís his
name, the one he put the article under? I know his
real name and where he livesÖ
not his real name, but heís a really smart guy.
Heís one of the two or three people that I really
trust. Now, he is probably the only one, outside
of myself, that gets really creative with the research.
It seems that everybody else is timid with the research,
and you have to have a little bit of recklessness
to be able to push the state-of-the-art of bodybuilding
forward. I guess Iím one of them. I guess I might
have thought that Chris Clark is, although I donít
him that well, and Dharkam. If Dharkam says it works,
it probably does work. I know there is no research
on it, but heís probably right. I have known this
man for at least three or four years. Heís always
been thought provoking, and many times, when people
disrespect him and say heís full of shit, he always
pulls a reference to validate whatever he said.
So, yeah, I think PGF2a will work.
you know of any bodybuilders that have tried this
Duchaine: You know, as a matter of fact,
its odd, because I sent all that information to
one of my underground network people that could
get stuff like that, and heís having a hard time
finding it to even try it out! Give us a month or
twoÖI guess it is something I would be stupid enough
to do myself. It is my job to be reckless, and I
guess I would try it.
Wow thatís a big risk.
Sandwich: I asked
you this question in our last interview, but it
never made it to print, so Iíll ask it again: Who
is your favorite fitness bimbo and would you fuck
her? Mine is Monica, by the way. (laughs)
Duchaine: (pauses and thinks) GodÖoh,
well I canít really tell how. What? Me reveal all
of my secrets? (laughs) Berez? The girl from
Central Europe? Sheís a MET-Rx girl. She won two,
three years ago with the little ribbon thing. Sheís
into rhythm gymnastics, and ever since then, she
hasnít shown up in the best of shape, and they always
shoot her down. Um, Iíd have to look her name up.
Iím bad with these European names, but yeah, sheíd
be the one Iíd chose.
of Monica, did you hear the rumor about her fucking
Craig Titus and Frank Sepe?
Duchaine: Nope. You can ask that to other
people and theyíll say yes and no! Hehehehehehehehaaaahh!
worked with many women over the years, and I was
wondering which fitness bimbos or female bodybuilders
that youíve fucked.
Duchaine: I made a pointÖyeah, I can talk
about that, because a lot of people assume that
because I work with so many female bodybuilders
that I have some kind of sexual life with them.
I would say that just about all of them I didnít
[fuck them], because I thought that would hurt my
reputation. I mean, my reputation was bad enough.
All these men were saying, "Oh, youíre gonna ruin
all these women!" You know, this and that. So, I
didnít want toÖthat isnít to say that some of these
women never became my girlfriends, and moved in
with me, but I guess the major ones, the ones people
would know, I was always a professional kind of
thing. And I must tell you, it wasnít even professional,
because professional implies that, you know, Iíd
charge them money for it. I admired many of them,
and many were just good friends, so out of friendshipÖI
know it seems like a lame thing to say, but yeah,
I always separated that.
it true they have vaginas the size of vacuum hoses?
From the androgen abuse?
Duchaine: (long pause) No, that
is not true. Why would a steroid make a vagina bigger?
Sandwich: I was
referring to the size of their clitoris.
Duchaine: Oh, wellÖ(sigh)ÖI think
your idea of a scale and my idea of a scale are
two different things. Yes, clitoral growth with
female bodybuilders and steroids is more than most
sedentary, non-athletic women with no androgens
in them. Yes, that is true. Is that bad? Not necessarily,
because many women do have difficulty enjoying sex;
difficulty achieving orgasm and female bodybuilders
usually would not have that problem.
it true that the popular fitness bimbo, Amy, is
a high-priced prostitute, charging $2000 a day?
I also heard she fucked Jean Claude Van Damne, Arsenio
Hall, and Antonio Sabato, JrÖand Bill Phillips,
too! Iíd still do her anywayÖis she trying to fuck
her way into Hollywood? Are these rumors true?
Duchaine: I donítÖ(sigh)Öwell,
there was a rumor, thatís why she got kicked out
of EAS because of some shenanigans between Bill,
his girlfriend at the time, and Amy. But thatís
a rumor. I donít live there. There was a rumor that
Amy was Arsenio Hallís girlfriend. The other stuff
I couldnít really comment on. See, Iím out here
in San Diego. All that kind of gossip-stuff is really
out of Venice and Goldís Gym.
Now, I was there for fourteen years, but I really
donít associate with those people any more. And
even if I did, itís like a turn around; a whole
new group of people that are not the old garb. Everybody
gets burnt-out and moves out of Venice eventually.
God forbid those who stay, you really donít want
to get to know them very much (chuckles). So, as
much as, I mean, that is not to say, in one way
or another, I have heard every part of that rumor
that youíve just said. But, boy, that was third
and fourth sources, so who knows.
you ever ...?
Duchaine: Bwahahahahhaahehheheh (lots
of laughs) What kinda question is that on how
to get big and strong and lean? (laughs)
I figured Iíd get the dirty ones out of the way
Duchaine: (chuckles) AhhhÖas I
said, Iíll never reveal my secrets!
going to name off a list of the current bodybuilding
magazines out on the market and I would like to
get your uncensored opinion of each of them: Muscle
Duchiane: Well, it does have a role, now.
Itís kind of like "Muscle and Kindergarten" now.
Its very scaled back from what it used to be. The
kind of reader thatís reading it now are very -
they arenít stupid - but in terms of the subculture,
they are very unsophisticated as far as what they
expect for information. They are easy to please,
Duchaine: You know, it just dawned on
me the other day that at $5.95 an issue, and the
amount of time I flip through it, I really donít
have to buy it ever again. There is nothing really
worthwhile that will help me out. The gossip is
not really skanky enough to be interesting, although
I must tell u, as much as the guy hates my guts
- and the feeling is mutual - but the only thing
that I really look forward to in the whole fucking
magazine is "Muscle Beach." That idiot, Steve Neeceís
column. I do like that. He really has a handle on
the dregs of society! Hee-hee-hee-hee-heh (laughs).
Duchaine: Well, Ironman, I think nowÖyou
know, yeah, Iím gonna like it a lot, now that I
am writing for it, but even before I started writing
for it, the big turnaround [for them] was when they
had Dharkam in there, which is Michael Gundill.
They had Derek Cornelius, and maybe Bruce Kneller
had an article in there. It really, for me, I really
enjoy the magazine a whole bunch more than I used
to. And I really think Ironman is what Muscle Media
used to be, and all they are lacking is a real big
sense of humor. If they did that, they would have
a real winner. I even think, graphically, its better.
I think Michael Neveaux can find and photograph
the best of the fitness women of all the magazines.
hopefully when you go on board, things will start
looking up for them. I think you have a lot to offer.
Duchaine: Yeah, I think they already had
a good running start, soÖ
what about Muscle and Fitness? What do you think
of that one?
Duchaine: Never read it. I really never
read it. The only reason I would read a Muscle and
Fitness is to see who, as far as nutrition companies
out there, had the bucks to place ads in there.
It gives you a very good idea about what a company
is doing, financially, if they can sustain a big
ad campaign month after month after month.
Duchaine: I think thatís the best of the
muscle magazines, period. Artistically, graphicallyÖtheir
photographs are just great. And I must tell you,
for some odd reason, some of the most interesting
science stuff makes its way into FLEX. I donít know
how they did it! Once in a while they have a great,
really important article. I donít think most people
realize how important some of those articles are
in there. But, because they are in between all those
photographs and training routines, but they are
quite good. Jerry Brainium does some of his best
work in FLEX. Some of his articles are quite, quite
Sandwich: I agree.
FLEX has really been very good lately. What about
the other new magazine, PUMP?
Duchaine: (sighs and pauses) I
think they should go all the way. Its like Muscle
Media, but with ten tons of tits. I think they should
really skank it out even more. I think they should
be the first nude bodybuilding magazine. Thatís
what they really wanna do, so just go for it and
do it! The thing is, I am quite friendly to the
editor, Jason Mathas. We worked together in the
mid-80ís with Modern Bodybuilding. He got me back
in the public eye after I left FLEX. Heís a hard
worker, and you donít realize how hard it is to
get a magazine up and running. As much as everyone
expected Testosterone to be THE magazine, here it
is a year since they started and they havenít gotten
one issue in print, and PUMP has three issues. Thatís
an achievement in itself; that they had three issues
out, ya know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could say one hand there
is mine, but when u see what Ironman is doing, they
learned everything they could from the guys at PUMP
and it turned their magazine around. And if Testosterone,
as much as people hate what they are doing right
now: promoting more products and right in your face,
that may be their salvation. I mean, people donít
do these terrible things of these infomercial articles
and ads unless it works. And it works.
about PEAK, by Steve Colescott?
Duchaine: Yeah. I always say that PEAK
is like a non issue because itís a vanity magazine.
I think Steve likes to publish a magazine just to
show everybody how wonderful he is, and how a magazine
should be. But, in the real world, his magazine
wouldnít make it. Its just too esoteric. You can
pull that crap with a newsletter, and I tried to
do it, and it went out of business! So obviously
that formula doesnít even work in a newsletter.
So, yeah, I like reading PEAK because its slanted
toward the real "upper end" of readers, and there
is not many people like that. I find some of the
articles very interesting, but if it really interests
me, I would predict that 80% of a potential reader
would not read the article because its too in-depth.
it true that you are addicted to Nubain, the popular
injectable narcotic used/abused by most of the top
Duchaine: No. (long pause). Expand
on that. You are going over something that should
be focused on, because Nubain is a problem unique
to bodybuilding. It started in bodybuilding, and
Iím not very happy that I was one of the instigators
of spreading that around. It started being a steroid
dealer in the mid 1980ís when one of my suppliers
had it in stock, and he said we should try this.
We all tried it and said, God its not addicting,
its not scheduled, its like wonderful! We started
recommending it to bodybuilders for this or that,
and I must admit that one of my consultations was
a very influential coach in England. He went back
home and started to spread it all throughout England.
Now, after everybody started using Nubain, it
really kinda registered with me that this is something
that people should not be spread around. Because
as much as many people will not have a problem using
it, some people do have a problem. So, youíll notice
in all my writings that I avoid talking about it,
because when u talk about something, its like making
a validation. But, still, I must admit that I am
part of the problem. And as of this year, I worked
pretty hard in finding a solution, a protocol to
get people off Nubain who have a dependant problem,
painlessly with no withdrawal and no side effects.
I have been able to somewhat solve the problem that
that the GHB thing?
Duchaine: No. Actually, its another drug
in the same family called Ultran. In this country,
itís an oral medication and what it does, if u are
dependant on Nubain, you just completely stop using
Nubain and replace it with four Ultrans a day, every
six hours. It completely stops the cravings for
it, but there is no euphoria. Its almost like the
"Methadone of Nubain." Every week you subtract a
tablet, so after the next week, its three tabs a
day, then a week later, two tabs a day, and then
another week or so, you are off. No problems. No
fever, no sneezing, no coughing, no diarrhea, no
are a whole bunch of brand new supplements that
seem to come out every week. In your opinion, what
do you think is a "must" supplement stack for your
average 200 lbs., 40 hour work week type of bodybuilder?
Duchaine: And we gonna qualify if its
dangerous or not?
most people would stick with the safe stuff, but
if you want to include the dangerous stuff, thatís
Duchaine: Creatine, number one. A well-made
injectable prohormone, probably 19nor5AD, injected.
One of the thermogenic things, like Ripped Fuel
or whatever Cytodyne makes now; Xenadrine. Adipokinetix,
by Syntrax Innovations, is good, too. Those are
about the only ones that will really make a difference.
Iím not going to put protein on there, because you
can eat protein out of the supermarket if you want.
What about fats? Do you still advocate them?
Duchaine: Yeah. Try to get them to eat it,
though. You know, the thing is, when people start
to bitch at me that they cant gain weight, if they
only eat 20 or 30 percent fat - any kind of fat
- they would start gaining again, really. Its amazing
how when you just eat carbs or very high protein,
how your body just sets itself for oxidating protein
as energy, and not for muscle growth. Yeah, but
fat should beÖI wouldnít say macadamia nuts and
olive oil as being a supplement, because you can
get them at a supermarket.
gonna name off a list of the top supplement brands
and I would like to get your brief opinion on them.
Maybe this can help consumers decide which brands
they should stick with. First, MuscleTech.
Duchaine: I must admit, I havenít examined
every product they make, but almost every line always
has some very good things, and a few clunkers in
there. I think their meal replacement powder, if
its at a reasonable price, its okay, because its
got a lot of calories and protein in it. If I could
go one by one, Iím sure I could pick one or two
things that might be pretty good that they make.
Are they good buys? Probably not. You could probably
duplicate anything that Muscletech makes on an off-brand,
for the same effect, for much less money.
Duchaine: Personally, Iíve never liked
Duchaine: I realize that they have a monster
with Myoplex, but I personally do not like overly-sweet,
overly-thick meal replacement powders. So that xís
out Myoplex and MET-Rx right there. Everything else
is either lame or overpriced. That doesnít mean
that they are bad, its just that theyíre pretty
run of the mill, nothing exciting. And whats interesting
about creatine and sugar? Not much. HMB? Looks so
damned exciting when the wind up was there - same
with CLA - and HMB just does not pan out.
Duchaine: Well, you have two questions
there. The actual brand name "Weider" supplements
is a very small part of the market now; its only
6%. They really do own a whole bunch of other companies,
like American Bodybuilding Products; all those liquid
drinks? Thatís Weider. They really dominate that
market. Who else makes those things with the supplement
already in the bottle? They make some good money
off that. For a while, I really enjoyed Metaformís
meal replacement powder a lot. Theyíre reasonably
priced; even GNC would sell them for $40 for 20
of them. Theyíre not overly-thick, overly-sweet;
they are quite good. Then they had this runÖI donít
know what happened, but all of the sudden they had
too much lactose in the last batch and I could eat
them any more, but up until then, they were a nice
product, for a nice price.
Duchaine: I know a lot about Sportspharma.
Mike Walls, who owns the company, in 1987, put $10,000
of his own money up to bail me out of jail when
I was arrested by the Federal Government. So, I
am kind of indebted to him for that. When I was
in Federal prison - I was getting in shape to go
out of prison, because I was a little over weight
- we were able to buy Sportpharma whey protein out
of the commercary. That was kinda nice. Right now,
Sportpharmaís bar, the Promax bars, are really well
done! Their lemon-shafon bar is really a well-made
bar. They are quite good. Its probably the salvation
of the company right now, because nothing else they
have is really selling well at all. Unfortunately,
for them, one of their major ads of one of their
protein products was fraudulent, so they are being
sued for Federal Court over the fraud. Its kind
of draining their finances to fight that lawsuit.
top bodybuilders, pro or otherwise, is or was a
faggot prostitute? You mentioned that Titus was
one before he went to prison.
Duchaine: Hahahahah!!! Did I say that
in print? I donít think so. God, poor Craig. As
much as I think he was a prick, and he probably
still is, he really did not deserve that much time
in Federal Prison for a drug violation; probation.
I think he just barely got out this month, and that
was way too long for the infraction. Granted, if
he was just honest about his drug use, and didnít
wanna waltz the judge around, and the prosecuter,
and the probation department through a trial and
all these falsehoods, he would have been out long
ago. But, ya know, I donít need to say anything,
because Craig is Craigís worst enemy. (pauses) Its
not going to be an easy life for him.
Sandwich: I hear
heís got a pretty hot temperÖ
Duchaine: Yeah, I know. But, look: Heís
been down, and maybe when heís back up there again,
I might kick him again, but Iím not going to kick
him now, when heís down.
pro bodybuilders have gotten really sick or damaged,
physically, from drugs that you know of? I hear
Kevin Levrone is one. Also, that one guy, Andreas
Cahling, had a stroke and his the side of his face
Duchaine: HmmÖwell, he had a stroke, but
that doesnít necessarily mean that he had it from
steroids. Iíve had a cerebral stroke myself, but
I wasnít using steroids at the time. Sometimes its
genetic. In my case, I have hypertension and polycystic
kidney disease. I donít know whyÖI must say that
bodybuilders generally really take terrible care
of their health. They donít really think about things
like hypertension, cholesterol, and this and that.
[They] never go to the doctor. They are used to
so much pain from their workout, minor aches and
pains that would scurry a normal person to a doctor,
they ignore it and usually get into trouble.
Sandwich: I always
thought these top bodybuilders are under the care
of a doctorÖ
Duchaine: They should. They should, but,
ya know, things like hypertensionÖI must tell you,
when I get off my hypertension medication, like
when I run out for a few days because Iím too lazy
to go to the pharmacy, I feel so good in the gym!
Iím so much stronger! I donít get dizzy when I do
leg exercises, ya know? I must tell ya, its very
convenient to forget about things like hypertension.
internet is now buzzing over the fact that you are
going to be selling the popular French thyroid drug,
Triacana, on the open supplement market. People
are also saying you can go to jail over this. Tell
us a little bit about Triacana and its legal status.
Duchaine: Sure. Brand name Triacana is
by Lefale in France. Pretty much in the recognized
non-third world countries, the only country that
sells Triacana is Belgium and France. Because bodybuilders
used it so much for contest preparation. It was
a popular item with steroid dealers in the mid 80ís
along with their steroid sales. And when they were
smuggling steroids into the country, and whenever
Customs would pop a package open and see all these
European steroids, there would always be a Triacana
in there. In 1988, FDA/Customs did an alert bulletin
disallowing a number of things, like anabolic steroids
- specific ones - trade name Nolvadex, brand-name
Neurofor, which is simply a injectable co-enzyme
B12, and Triacana.
Now as you can imagine, they really didnít ban
some of the generic, parent compounds, because,
if that was so, we would never see co-enzyme B12
again, because Neurfor was on the list. So it dawned
on me, when steroids were scheduled by the Government
and turned over to the DEA, that triac, being a
metabolite of thyroid, would be naturally-occuring
and allowed in the Dietary Supplement Act. And we
kind of guessed - because we never got an answer
from the FDA - that we imported the raw powder,
not the brand name, they would probably allow it
in, which is true.
Syntrax Innovations found a source [Editor's
Note: To contact Syntrax Innovations, call (888)
321-2348], did the paperwork with the Customs
and FDA, and he got the raw ingredient in. I always
thought they would have to ban the generic compound,
plus the fact it would be a touchy kinda thing,
cause its naturally occuring in the body, like DHEA
is naturally occurring. So that is why Triac/Triacana
is on the open market. Now it does get interesting,
because just recently, someone pointed out that
its on the Orphan Drug List, which it is; 1991.
Usually, you donít do dietary supplements on the
Orphan Drug List because they are patented and have
INDís on them: Investigative New Drug. Interestingly
enough, Triac is not patented; it cant be, because
its naturally occurring, and it has no current IND
on it. So, even though its technically on the Orphan
Drug List, its open to debate whether the FDA will
ever bother about it. My feeling is, if they doÖsee,
usually, they would - GHB was on the Orphan Drug
List. They always knew that, and they didnít really
move on GHB until they started getting health reports
from doctors, police departments, and emergency
rooms. That will never happen with triac, because
triac, the beauty of this particular thyroid metabolite,
is its impossible to overdose from. You can jack
the dosage to ten times the recommended amount,
and you will never have an over, hyper-thyroid symptom
in the body. Thatís the beauty of it.
would be the average daily dose for Triac?
Duchaine: The half-life is six hours. Ideally,
it would be one milligram every six hours, which
makes it a pain in the ass. You can scrump and get
one milligram every eight hours, and still generate
a replacement metabolic rate on it.
it be necessary to stack ECA (ephedrine/caffeine/aspirin)
with triac, or would that be too dangerous?
Duchaine: No, because Triac is not a overt
metabolic elevator. Although there are a few studies,
as Dharkam pointed out, that did show a raise of
metabolism above normal. The thing with Triac is,
it seems to only work restoring a depressed metabolism.
Like if you are on a diet for three or four weeks,
and suddenly, if you're taking your temp every morning,
you notice that you're one degree cooler all the
time because your T3 is not as high as before. So
if your hoping to take triac and jack your metabolism
up over 99 degrees, I donít think its gonna happen.
But it will restore your temperature to what it
was before it lowered itself, so yes, you can use
ECA with it.
Sandwich: A new
supplement made by the popular and intelligent chemist,
Pat Arnold, is really starting to catch on. It's
called Cyclodiol, as you know. What do you think
of this supplement, how it should be used, and its
potential side effects? [Editorís Note: To contact
Pat Arnold/LPJ Research, Inc., call (217) 687-4038
or FAX (217) 687-4138.]
Duchaine: Well the way it should be used
is not the way he is marketing it. I asked Pat to
do a cyclodextrin prohormone a number of years ago.
It was never, in my mind, a good idea to do a solid,
sublingual pill. People hate sublingual pills. Everybody
is so impatient. I am! I'm not going to take a pill
and wait for it to dissolve ten minutes under my
tongue. Plus the fact when you swallow, most goes
it goes under your throat anyway. My idea was for
him to make sublingual liquid drops, with pH adjusted.
You could walk into the drug store, take a nasal
sprayer/anti histamine off the shelf, dump the contents
out, put the subliqual drops in the nasal sprayer,
and use it intranasally. And thatís the ideal delivery
system of cyclodextrin prohormones. I donít think
sublingual tablets is going to be remarkably that
diol prohormone do you think is the most effective?
Duchaine: The most effective one is, unfortunately,
the one that has highest amount of androgens: 4-AD
(Androdiol). Technically, its not a prohormone.
Prohormone is a nice way of saying precursor. To
say "prohormone" is to signify that there is no
anabolic or androgenic activity until its converted
to another compound by enzymes in the body. We both
know that 4-AD does not fit that definition of a
prohormone. First off, its not a precursor; its
a metabolite. Its something thatís made after testosterone
is made [by enzyme conversion]; not before. Yes,
it can be flipped back to testosterone, technically,
but its a very, very illusive process in the body.
Most if it is just a metabolite and stays that way.
And, its as androgenic, if not more so, than testosterone.
In its unconverted state, its 90% as anabolic. So,
its not a prohormone - its an active hormone in
its unconverted state. Thatís why it makes itself
work so well.
If you use it correctly, which means a large
amount, frequently during the day, you will generate
some side effects, including down-regulation of
your own testosterone level.
its an active hormone, how is it being sold legally?
Duchaine: Because no one gives a shit
about it. I mean, people donít buy too much 4-AD,
and those who use it, its so high priced, they are
not going to use two or three capsules every hour
on the hour which, they probably could do and makes
some gains on it. So no one has bitched about side
effects. The FDA doesnít have all the man-power
in the world to go after dietary supplements that
harm the public health. 4-AD is not showing any
overt symptoms of toxicity or dangerousness. So
its left alone.
you are going to be writing for IRONMAN, which is
pretty much a drug free magazine, what do you believe
is the most productive way of training for maximum
muscle mass for a drug free bodybuilder?
Duchaine: Remember, I do a steroid column
at QFAC Online. I separate the two. In IRONMAN,
I do cutting edge nutrition and discuss supplements
that have not reached the market yet. QFAC is exclusively
on drugs, both legal and illegal.
ok. Well, the question still stands: Whatís the
most productive way for a natural bodybuilder to
train to gain as much muscle as he can, even though
there is a limit?
Duchaine: Are you counting prohormones
as still being natural?
Anything legally available.
Well, not injectables, as most people wouldnít want
to inject things.
Duchaine: Yeah, I know, but...I would
say that most prohormones are ineffective orally.
It would be hard to get a pimple, much less gain
muscle, on prohormones. So, yeah, injectable prohormones
will get activity. I think natural bodybuilders
really have to start training for size, instead
of strength. There is a difference between strength,
which is neuroadaptation, and size. Your body will
find the most efficient way of getting strong. The
most efficient way is to neurolly make yourself
stronger, because it doesnít really involve any
calories. You donít have to add muscle, you donít
have to burn more energy. Just contact the mass
that you have more violently. I've had a lot of
thinking about this. People keep asking me, "who
writes a great training book." And they all suck.
They really are all wrong, I think. I think the
secret is never doing more than one set of anything.
I mean, if u do four sets of barbell curls all in
a row, every set your adapting because of the same
plane of movement. Why donít u just randomly pick
a different exercise everytime you have to do a
set for biceps. I'm sure you can find eight or nine
different movements or machines to get eight or
nine sets and never repeat yourself. The same thing
with everything else. On the bench press and the
squat, the best bench pressers and squatters donít
necessarily have the best chest or legs.
one of your Internet Newsgroup postings, you mentioned
that you have a natural thyroid supplement coming
out, as well as Triacana. Can you shed some light
on this supplement?
Duchaine: Its not mine. I just dream these
things up. Actually, I think Derek Cornelius [of
Syntrax Innovations] thought it up about the same
time I did. I mean, I always knew about T2. It was
on my list of thyroids to go after is someone was
gonna bust my balls over it. I've been trying to
get triacana in this country for a year. SoCal tried
to pursue it a year ago, and they gave up. I could
not get it made anywhere in the country. I passed
the idea on to Derek, and he found a source. A source
that nobody else could find, so he got it in. And
at the same time, that same source had T2 available,
and it was on my list of things to do, because it
was another thyroid that had activity had a certain
level. And unlike triacana, it doesnt have all the
bad press (chuckles). I mean, it doesnít have an
Alert List, its not on the Orphan Drug List, there's
nothing. Triacana is easier to sell and easier to
understand than T2. It doesnít mean that T2 isnít
a better thyroid - it might be; we'll find out.
My associate, Dr Bachinsky, has a computerized machine
that analyzes your breathing. Your breath of oxygen,
carbon dioxide ratio that tells you whatís burning
what in the body. He's doing on these tests on things
like Triac and T2 to see which is the more metabolically
beans. What about all these GH releasers that have
reemerged themselves on the market once again? Effective
Duchaine: Yeah, I think the metabolite
of arginine, agmatine, that one? That might have
some potential because it mimics the effects of
Catapres, that anti-hypertensive medication. There
is alot of research showing that it causes growth
hormone elevation, and it would raise your testosterone,
too, at the same time. I'm very suprised no one
has bothered to bring that to the market, actually,
because all you'd have to do is call up a Japanese
amino acid producer, and just order it, ya know?
Even Arnold's Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding has it
listed as a supplement coming out this year, so
why doesnít someone get off their lazy ass and do
there any other new supplements coming out? Anything
else catch your attention?
Duchaine: I'm working with a group of
people on a naturally occurring uncoupling agent,
similar to DNP.
That sounds fucking cool! Is it going to be safe?
Duchaine: Yes. Its more a matter of getting
it more effective than we...its not as affective
as we originally anticipated, but we are working
on that. The original compound was a DL isomer,
and we figured out that the "L" part was at least
inactive, if not counter productive. Now we are
running tests with the D isomer of it, and hopefully
it will...it will not be as strong as DNP, even
though he research indicates that its, like, 50
times more powerful, but it doesnít appear to be
so, so far.
of DNP, which still seems to be a very hot topic
in bodybuilding, are you still planning to release
a book on DNP?
Duchaine: Yes. That, and many other thermogenic
agents. Its a book on how to lose fat without cutting
calories. I mean, there's so many compounds out
there that should be discussed. There is some kind
of hierarchy that people need to know about. You
can go broke buying fish oil capsules, CLA, pyruvate,
ephedrine, norephedrine, and this and that, ya know?
there a release date for this book so the readers
can be on the lookout for it?
Duchaine: It may be another year. Books
just take a long time. Writing the book is the least
of the worries. Its just getting the proofreading,
the editing, getting it to the printer: It just
takes time. Ask Lyle McDonald about his little ketogenic
The Ketogenic Diet. He knows how long it took
to write and how long it took to get it published.
Two different things.
also mentioned that you are seeing some anabolic
actions with DNPÖ
Duchaine: Rebound, yeah. When you come
off it. It does some kind of stress to the muscles,
very similar to exercise, so when you come of, if
you eat, you get a little bigger.
Kind of like a water retention thing?
Duchaine: No, no. Its muscle.
Is there a certain dosage or cycling plan that would-be
DNP users should strive for?
Duchaine: I donít think you need more than
two to three milligrams per kilogram of bodyweight,
so for the average guy, that would be 200 to 300
milligrams a day. We found that because of the calorie
debit from working out and everything, seven days
on and seven days off is the best way. Otherwise
you just get wiped out too fast after seven days.
Colgan referred to a supplement that supposedly
is DNP-like and can burn up to a 1000 calories a
Duchaine: (interrupts) He liedÖI
donít think he lied, I think he was just wrong.
I mean, I donít think he wants to purposely lie,
but sometimes heís just wrong. Heís the wrong person
for bodybuilding. He can play with his little runners,
and tri-athletes, and these old geezers that want
to be over 100 years old, I would trust him for
that. But as far as getting a bodybuilder bigger,
stronger, and leaner, leave it to people like me
who, you know, are reckless enough to try this new
shit out to see if itíll work. [Heís] too safe.
Sandwich: Chad NicholsÖ
Duchaine: (interrupts) Ahh, Chad
seems to be the number one contest prep guru for
the top bodybuilders. And for those readers who
do not know what a prep guru does, or, in this case,
what Chad does, please tell us what this means.
You were a very famous prep guru at one time, too.
Duchaine: A contest "coach" is being the
babysitter of a 250 lbs. baby. Its that simple.
You are almost holding their hand. Most of the advice
is three words: "donít do that." (chuckles) They
will call you up and ask for your approval of the
wackiest shit in the world! "I really think I need
the cheesecake now!" "Donít do that." Thatís all
he does! "And give me my three thousand dollars
now." Thatís all Chad does. He says, "donít do that,"
"donít eat," "eat now." Oh yeah, Iíve seen some
of his contestants, and heís done some pretty wacky
stuff, and really stupid stuff, like fruit carb-ups.
Fruit carb-ups so bad they are shitting out green
from too many bananas!
The end. Whew! That
was quite a workout, eh?
About the author: The Sandwich graduated
magna cum laude from Yale University with a double
major in molecular biochemistry and infra-red astronomy.
He currently works at McDonalds.